No pool for me...

Today we went to the pool. We have this medium sized pool at our community and we decided it was time that our princess got into the pool and learned to love it. I of course had not worn any of my swimsuits for about 2 years now. I was so self-conscious going to the pool, my butt, belly and thighs jiggling while I walked and my boobs sagging down to the ground. 

We got there and my husband got into the pool without a care in the world, my daughter excited got into the pool as well. Me? I kinda looked around to see who was there. Of course there had to be the swimsuit model type girls that were tanning. Crap, I thought. I mean really the best way to feel worse about your body is looking at girls that have these amazing bodies making you long for the pre-baby body you had.

I know, you look at your child and it makes it worth it. But, even then you still want to have an amazing body just like those college girls. I seriously did not want to get in the pool but my husband was urging me to get in. I slowly took of my t-shirt. Stood there just looking around waiting for another flabby mom to come my way. No luck.

Made myself busy folding up clothes, towels, putting sunblock and then...there was nothing left to do but take off my shorts and get in the pool. Oh my god, people were actually going to laugh at my cellulite. I mustered up my courage took off my shorts, got in the pool and swam towards my husband and daughter. And then, my top fell off, my sagging boobs were out. 

So for now, no more pool for me.

I am THAT MOM...

Yesterday I became THAT MOM. THAT MOM that many women look at and seem to think she is crazy and is just plain over exagerating about everything. 

You see yesterday we had a girl´s day out for a few hours and yesterday was the first day my princess went to daycare. I left her around 10 am and she seemed fine. I was the kind of mom that was not leaving the day care facility. I stayed for 45 minutes watching my baby through the window, looking at the way she was. 

She looked alone, scared, sad and she was holding on to her dolly for dear life. I left her there with a broken heart, I was so scared I actually cried. And from that moment on I was THAT MOM. I was THAT MOM that called 3 times in 3 hours. Of course when I picked her up she was fine.

So really, it was much harder for me than it was for her. From now on I am able to see that I really don´t care at all to be THAT MOM the kind that cares deeply for their child and cannot seem to let go. Yes, that´s me, guilty. I just hope my daughter doesn´t get embarassed by me when she´s a teenager and she learns she´s got THAT MOM forever.

An Honor and a Privelege

For more than a year I have been blessed to be a mom. When my mom called me and told me "Happy Mother´s Day" I now know what that means. I now know that we are on the same team, that we have more than just love in common. 

I still find it hard to think of myself as part of THE MOM GROUP because although I am on, and although I love my daughter I still see it fit for old women. Now I realize that I AM AN OLD WOMAN, I have become a part of THE MOM GROUP, the one that I used to look up because they were so tall, now I get to look down. 

I never knew I could love someone so much.

It sounds so cliché but I never knew someone so little could bring so many emotions to me.

My scars on my tummy remind me every single day of my marriage and the day when she was born.

I never knew I could love like that.

I never knew someone so small could show me so much.

I never thought I was going to be a mom so young.

I know now what it means to be a mom.

I don´t know how to be a great mom.

I just know I can be me as a mom.

HAPPY MOTHER´S DAY!!!

FELIZ DIA DE LAS MADRES!!!

Remember to be a mom is an honor and a privilege.

Baby and me

I just thought it would become more real and personal if I posted a picture of my baby girl and myself. Still not sure if hubby wants me to put himup on the web. Will wait and see what happens on that. At least you get to meet us, kind of.

Not worth writing...

So, I´m totally new at this and wanted to give it a go. I guess people might wonder why I chose the title not worth writing when here you see me, writing away on my laptop while my baby sleeps. It´s not that hard to understand, really. Someplace in my twisted and confused mind there is logic to this. I have just started reading blogs, and really became interested in them. I realized that every single time I told my husband about the blogs I read they would mostly be about people´s lives and the hardships they have been dealt in life. I soon realized that I haven´t really had anything that big, important, traumatic experience in my life were my inner strength has had to come out and save me. I´ve had a pretty normal life up until now. 

Which is why I thought that if I wanted to write a blog then it really was not worth writing but at least it would help me with personal things in my life that might bother me. For example, I hate that my husbands has to travel for weeks at a time for week, I hate that I had to leave my country and go to another country for my husband´s work, I hate that my parents and in-laws don´t get to see my daughter grow up, I hate that I can´t be a super mom like so many other blogger moms are. So, there you go. Somewhere in this post there is logic and rationality that I understand and that I am hoping you also understand.